Good Morning, Everyone! I want to thank you for being here and hope that you are having a truly wonderful Summer season, creating memories and giving yourself grace to enjoy some down time. It’s been busy on Blueberry Hill, and I’m still trying to have studio time each day, but that’s not always in the cards for me, hence the grace. I’m sure a lot of you can relate to that. :)
IMPORTANT UPDATE: Thanks to the latest Windows Update, my Website will have to be reconstructed with a new template. So, my shop will be closed and site will be sporadic until 9/6. I’ll have my new site up and my shop will be good to go. I will be having my Annual Shop Sale, on the weekend of 9/13-9/15, You don’t want to miss it!
Now to get to the story of my “Why?”, keep reading. Let me know what you think and I would love to know if anything resonates with you.
Paint & Paper Collection "Worth Fighting For"
I put reminder for Carnivore Artist, in the subject line as this letter to you, I’ve been struggling with exactly how to go about sharing my story and be helpful to you, with the disclaimer that this is NOT medical advice, or an attempt of diagnosis for anyone. I have been battling, and yes, I said battling, health issues since I was 24, when I had my first heart stopping event. That may sound dramatic, but it was. It wasn’t anything that just started with little symptoms and eased into an incurable heart arrythmia, it was BAM- we’re gonna go so fast that we break and just stop. A nasty introduction to a forever altered relationship that I had with my body and my sense of self.
What followed was a lot of “you’re too young to be sick”, or “you don’t look sick” and my favorite, medical gaslighting. I had to learn to be my own advocate, researcher. All the while, desperately looking for someone else who shared my “constellation of symptoms”. The journey has been long and definitely dotted with minefields, but also with beautifully peaceful moments of clarity and a strengthening of my faith in Christ.
Now, before you end this conversation and say you don’t need this, please hear me out.
I have lived with some form of heart condition for 25 years. I have gone through so many misdiagnoses and realized that doctors are truly “practicing medicine” and the modern medical system, as a whole, is not set up to encourage a life free of prescriptions and ongoing visits. We have spent more money than I can stomach, on all forms of surgeries, meds, therapies and aids. I have done everything required and then some. I have no regrets with the way that I decided to pursue each avenue of care. I simply made the best decision with the information I had at the time.
With that being said, I cannot tell you how I wish someone would’ve told me that when the surgeries fail, the doctors are still confused, and the blood work comes back normal- that it isn’t a reflection on your mental health, your faith or your effort. It is the simple reality of being a human. That sometimes, you simply cannot be “healed”.
This actually hurts a little to write this, as my Type A Warrior wants to prove this statement wrong. But, I’ve lived it and know that the never-ending pursuit of complete healing can be just as dangerous as the disease. And frankly, I don’t think this has been shared enough. It’s not as popular as “I ate this way and healed” or “The new medicine is here from Europe, and it’s life changing”.
So, then what do you do?
You can live with a chronic illness, and still live your life to it’s fullest. This a choice. For me, I had to acknowledge my body’s capabilities at that time and flow with those limitations. The positive side says, “you have no limitations” and “mind over matter”, etc. The cold hard truth is that everyone has limitations. Whether it be through limiting beliefs, socioeconomic circumstances, physical attributes, etc. We are all different. We are supposed to be unique and every individual’s physicality and day to day, life experiences reveal this.
There are too many factors to list, that play into the dynamic of how one faces adversity, and yes, chronic illness is an adversity. But, for me the layers that kept wearing down as the days got longer, the options became fewer and my new “normal” were, unbeknownst to me, leading me to a place of acceptance. A mindset of surrender to the life that God had chosen me for, and to be a good steward of that life, no matter what it looked like to others.
But, gosh. That was a loooonnnnng road………and I’m still walking it.
Yours Truly, Jenny
Next Month: How does Art come in to play?
